Stop Saying I'm Happy

They always say, "hey, aren't you lucky that you are always happy and you don't always have to worry."

You think I'm not human is it? I worry too and I worry about alot of things. Sometimes I could get into the state of being emotionally unstable.

One of the medical center clerk once told me, "Hey, you're not happy."

I said why and how did he manage to tell.

I can't really remember what he said but he knew from the way I talked to him previously. He knew that I was a sad person.

"You're crazy. I'm always happy."

You're deceiving yourself. You can deceive others but not yourself, Rizal." he said.

Today, I feel really emotionally unstable. Alot of things are going through my mind. Now, I have to make a trip to Changi General Hospital.

I'm stressed out that I can't get along well with my other two platoon medics. I am stressed out that I have maxed out my expenditure for this month. I am stressed out that I might not ace the ATEC's examinations. I am stressed out that I might let my company medic down. I am stressed out that I spent $13,431 this month.

I am stressed out that I can't pass my IPPT till now and that I've let my officer down. Am I a weakling? Am I a failure?

Just now, I sat down and broke into tears as for someone whom I dearly love was being pushed to the ICU.

I need GOD to guide me as for I feel so vulnerable right now.

p/s: I took urgent off for tomorrow. Anything, please call my handphone.