Empowering The New Confident Me

Get it right, I was too timid to voice out my opinion and I was to afraid to do stuffs that I really want to do. Now, after being counselled and adviced by my close friends and significant other, I shall be more brave and confident.

I will always bottle up my feelings. I find it hard to express myself to others at times. And most of my friends said they hardly see me smile when I am photographed. Why? Because I am not confident enough.

I used to have stage fright. Often I have to give speeches and when I am nervous, I slutter towards the beginning but manage to calm myself down and deliver a smooth speech only towards the ending.

Now, I've learnt to be more confident about myself.

Expect to be nervous.

Even experienced speakers get nervous. Instead of trying to eliminate your jitters, turn them into energy you can use to boost your delivery. A TV talk host asked Broadway star Carol Channing, "On opening night, do you get nervous?" She replied, "I don't call it nervousness - I prefer to call it concentration."

Prepare.

Knowing what you are going to say and why you want to say it will give you confidence. (If you attempt to give a speech without being prepared, you should be nervous. It's your body's way of saying, "You fool, don't ever do this to me again.")

Practice.

Seek out supportive audiences. Speak in small forums where less is at state -- at a staff meeting or a PTA meeting. Join Toastmasters. or take a Dale Carnegie course. Work with a coach. Just get up in front of people over and over again. Keep doing it.

Breathe.

In the thirty seconds before you begin speaking, take three slow, deep breaths through your nose, filling your belly. As you breathe out, say to yourself, "Relax."

Rehearse.

Rehearse your speech three or four times. Stand up as you practice your speech out loud. Walk around as you speak. Practice in front of a full-length mirror. Don't try to memorize your speech or give it word for word. Practice talking it through, point by point. Imagine you're explaining yourself to someone who cares about you.

Be positive.

Give yourself a pep talk. "I'm just learning how to do this. I have what it takes to learn how to speak well."

Focus on your audience.

Most stage fright is rooted in self-preoccupation. ("How am I doing?" "Am I making any sense?" "Am I making a fool of myself?") Stop focusing on yourself. Focus, instead, on your audience and on how your speech is going to help them. ("How are you doing?" "Do you get this?" "Can you hear me?")

Simplify.

Most beginning speakers try to accomplish too much in a single speech. Then they worry about leaving something out or losing their train of thought. Aim, instead, to communicate what your audience can hear and understand in the limited time you have. Keep it short and simple.

Visualize success.

Practice relaxation techniques in the days before your presentation. Lie down or sit comfortably in a quiet place. Breathe slowly. Close your eyes. Scan your body, consciously relaxing any tense muscles. Imagine your upcoming speaking engagement. Picture yourself speaking with confidence. Make the details as sharp as possible, involving every sense.

Connect with your audience.

Make the audience your allies. Talk to individuals before your presentation to get to know a few of them. Look them in the eye as you speak to them, one person at a time. If you can get your audience to identify with you, your job as a speaker becomes much easier and you can relax. (See "How to Connect with Your Audience.")

Act confident.

Most people won't see how nervous you are. (They can't tell if your palms are sweating or your knees are knocking or your heart is pounding.) So don't tell them. As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, "Fake it 'til you make it." Smile. Hold your chin up. Stick your chest out. Look confident, even if you don't feel it. After awhile you'll begin to feel it too.

Learn from your mistakes.

Accept your mistakes as part of the learning process. (What skill have you ever learned perfectly the first time through?) Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, said, "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."