i . hate . to . be .so . vulnerable

i . really . really . hate . to . be . so . vulnerable.

if you know, don't speak

if you read what i've wrote and if you're someone i know dearly and want to ask me about how i feel in person, DONT. just leave the way it is. let me finish writing till the end. read. keep quiet.

i know. i know

lovely song from jewel.

as. times . passed . by

every night, i feel hurt. i feel disappointment. i feel sadness. everything in one. i hate to be lonely. so every night, i will go out with my friends. every night. to avoid the emptiness. sometimes, i feel i am a nuisance to my friends. taking their precious time away just to comfort me. just to be with me. one of them texted this to me, 'i love you very much bro. and it pains me to see you like this. i know it hurts really badly but please don't do anything stupid tat you're gonna regret afterwards. if you wanna drink to numb the pain, i understand. but u cant handle urself alone. u r not alone. never have been. let us carry some of your burdens like u have carried ours.' i was deeply touched. why am i such a weakling. come on, it's just one of those break ups. but after some thinkings, i realized its not just one of those break ups. he was important to me. that's why it matters. this break up matters. because i love him alot. how i wish i can turn back the time. but no. time don't rewind itself. 

the . end . of . a . season.

i've always been the strong person. i've always been the one taking care of others. i've always been the one making people happy. i'm a happy person. i'm someone who loves to crack jokes. i thought i was strong enough but i realized i am not. for the past week, it's been dreadful for me. so, so dreadful. i was not a happy person though i had to keep a brave front from everyone. until i break down again and again and again. my friends had to pull me back up everytime that happens. i've never been this sad in my life before. well, maybe when my late grandmother died and maybe when i broke up with my ex whom i had relationship for almost 3 years. and now i am sad again. devastated. i always keep telling myself, my life is like a storybook or should i say novel. with plots and twisted endings. or like a drama serial. has season 1 ended, i asked. with a sad ending. but it depends on how you play the ending out. i wanted to choose a happier ending. but it ended up being otherwise. i'm feeling scared. i'm feeling hurt. but that's enough. it's been a week and a half i'm feeling like i'm in the dumps. no one that were not close to me knew i was unhappy. because i was trying to look happy in front of them. hard it is. but that's life. i thought of ways to make myself happy again but everytime i am in an empty room, sadness lingers in me. my friends tried to help me. i felt better but i still feel hurt. i have to move on. but what's stopping me. is this really the end, i asked myself. i tried every other methods to get rid of this emptiness  and sadness in me but all else fails. then i realized, maybe, just maybe, i will just write my feelings down on my blog like writing a dear diary. and it seems to be helping. because i love to write. i love to pen down my emotions. i've not been doing that for the longest time. it's all photos and photos and photos on my blog. but i need to write something down. something more than just uploading photos. i guess this is the end of a season or a chapter. one of my good friends told me, let go, set it free, and let nature takes its course. and if you are really meant for each other, you'll come back to each other's arms again. i'm mad at myself for what has happened. but it's been done. it's over. now... move on.

Going Back To Sleep

I just woke up but I am going back to sleep again. I am so, so tired. Saw more than 35 unread messages. I'll read them later.

Going back to sleep! I'll update this blog again at night!

Worst Night EVER!

It's been quite awhile since I am experiencing BAD LUCK.

OMG! I forgot to put in the metal bar before pulling the shutter down. #stupid! #dumb! blonde!

Then I forgot that I am not suppose to switch off the POS system.

#darn #unlucky! #PUI!

Please, please, please, POS, work tomorrow!

Holy Mackarel! 2 Events and 2 Clubs

I didn't expect my night to be that happening! I went to Puma Social Club at The Riverwalk with Christina, Hong Peng, Winston and Michelle. We agreed that the event had so many good-looking people and I kept telling Christina that I wanted to faint!

'Hot'.

Then I went to Helipad for another event. Nothing much. Just that the view was awesome! After that, I met up with Chris and he brought me to MAMBO.

The queue was a killer but Chris has this special card, so instead of being in the queue, he brought me in through the priority list! Damn cool! Bumped into Ross, 98.7F.M D.J.

Drank much. High.

Songs in Phuture and Zouk were 80s. Didn't like it that much.

I was whisked away to tantric and met cool new friends, Vincent and the other guy who is a hairstylist! Left shortly because I was high.
I want to thank Chris for sending me home!

8 More Spots

8 more spots for Katy Perry - The One That Got Away to get to number 1.

But there's Rihanna - We found love, currently at number 1 and LMFAO - Sexy and You Know It, Bruno Mars - It Will Rain blocking Katy Perry's path to number 1!

Interlude III

I will be back on the 3rd December.


I have too many things on my hand; blogging, writing advertorials, retail, commercials, hosting @ KL, helping a friend with his first ever Charity fashion show, writing songs for singers, releasing my first single, helping a friend with his project, running errands, trying my best to squeeze in that little drop of time to meet up with my friends.


I am SO MAXED OUT!

I have only 2 hours of sleep everyday.

But I don't complain.

However, now I seriously need to drop some of the things I am doing right now.

I have too many things on my hand; blogging, writing advertorials, retail, commercials, hosting @ KL, helping a friend with his first ever Charity fashion show, writing songs for singers, releasing my first single, helping a friend with his project, running errands, trying my best to squeeze in that little drop of time to meet up with my friends.

I may help Wesley with his first ever Charity fashion show but I may not be able to attend the actual event as I have hosting for a very, very big event in K.L which falls on the same day as his event. Or I will do the other way around.

But I just hope everyone tries to understand me. I love to help and I will try my best to help them in every other ways. But with this current amount of workload on my shoulders, I have to forgo some.

Busy Week Last Week!

I had a rather busy week last week!

I will blog more later!

Food Poisoning

Yesterday when I woke up, I was hit with a terrible stomachache. It's like I'm pregnant and the baby is kicking. Pain. Excruciating pain. I went to the toilet and puked several times.

Food poisoning. That's the two words that came across mind immediately.

I thought, "Oh no, I'm going to the hospital again!"

NO!

I quickly went to the kitchen and drank two bottles of warm water and took two panadol max.

The pain sent me kneeling down on the floor, cupping my stomach.

30 minutes.

Then I went toilet again. This time round, everything came out! I looked pale.

I will be cautious of what I eat now and no more eating at night! Unhealthy.

Making Up For Lost Time

I slept 15 hours! Wow! First time in many months!

Then went to work on my blog and do my incomplete stuffs.

I made up for lost time!

Conversation with My Best Friend

We need to be rational. You must remember easy come easy go.

My bf and I have been together for 7 years and it is built on strong foundation.

I will not leave my bf unless he call it quits but I will never be the one to call it quits.

He accepts me for who I am. He knows I don't sleeep around and I will never sleep around. It is just not my style to sleep around.

If i want i make sure it will be a permanent one.

I dont like the feeling of sleeping around.

I am not a control freak. I respect people's freedom and I do not have the rights to restrict people's freedom, that's why our relationship last 7 yrs.

We do not restrict each other and also never impose on each other.

...

I have known this friend of mine for 7 years already.

China Gay Lover

I can't believe this really happen.

A Huge Success

Kent's birthday party was awesome! You know, when Kent's around, you know there will be an awesome party!
I would have to say it was THE EVENT OF THE YEAR.

Followed by my 5000th party @ Marriot as the 2nd EVENT OF THE YEAR.

SGRAINBOW organised a youth forum a few days ago and it was successful. Love Love Love Jared's speech!

So when will the 3rd EVENT OF THE YEAR BE HAPPENING? And what will it be?

WE CAN

If we will do what we CAN do, GOD will do what we CAN'T do.

Don't compare your life with others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Everybody has the power to make someone else happy... Some do it by entering the room... Some do it by leaving.

Can't, Won't

If you say you can't... then you already told yourself you won't.

There are two sides of me, the side you SEE and the side you DON'T want to see!

Refreshing

I woke up as early as 7, made coffee and watched sabrina the teenage witch at my balcony. Refeshing.

Now I am heading down to Esplanade library to read books.

Yes, I READ BOOKS! lol!

Catch ya guys there!