Project Ask; What is Love?

Dear Devina,

I may not be the right person answering your question but here's my 2 cents worth.

You cannot find love. It finds you.

Those who try to seek love via match-making websites or other means (friends, speed dating, SDU) often get a sad compromise when they find someone who's equally desperate to settle down and it's a mutual case of "okay you'll have to do for now" rather than being madly in love.

You will meet the person who is right for you when the time is right - you cannot force the hand of fate or destiny. Some people who have religious faith see this as allowing the will of their god to guide their destiny through life.

I propose being outgoing, friendly, sociable and kind - enjoy an active social life, get to know loads of people, be involved in loads of interesting social groups and activities and be good to yourself. Take pride in the way you look, dress well, speak well, behave well - present the most positive side of yourself to the world and if you do that, people will like you and you will have many friends. As for love, once you've put yourself in that positive situation of having a vibrant, active social life - allow fate to do the rest.

Let's think of an example. You feel ready to replace your car with a nice new model, although the current one does perfectly well. So you read about new cars, look at reviews, pictures, specifications. You may even go to expositions, walk into showrooms, test drive some models. While doing all that, you may come to a sudden realization: you know which is the car that has everything you want and is a perfect match to your ideal, and you start dreaming about this car.

In the case of the car, it is easy: you just buy the car. But a soul mate, we cannot buy. What if our soul mate doesn't feel that we are his soul mate? What if he or we are already in a relationship?

So I would not forget about the issue and leave it up to love to find me, relying on a belief in fate, destiny. I think the issue is worth getting well informed about, and gaining experience. If we can live without any urges for this love, so the better.

The dictionary defines love in several ways in which we use the word. For example, love is:

1) A strong positive emotion of; affection or pleasure; e.g, "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."

2) Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking: "The theater was her first love". "I love French food".

3) Beloved: a beloved person; used as a term of endearment.

4) A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; e.g., "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."

5) A score of zero in tennis or squash: "It was 40-love!"

6) Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months".

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust?

There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love.

Ask Me Questions

What irritates you? Because you always seem happy.

I always get irritated by pesky kids. Kids who disrespect people who are older than them. I mean, if the elderly are those rude, snobbish people and they are ought to be disrespected then so be it.

But if the elderly are those who are patient and kind and soft hearted, the kids shouldn't be disrespectful to them.

Those kids whom I think are being disrespectful to their seniors, I can't be bothered talking to them anymore.

Kids who disrespect others often have low self esteem.

Kids who disrespect others often don't have respect for themselves.

Secondly, I get really irritated if someone cut my queue or purposely wants to cut my queue. I HATE IT.

It happened many times on me but I let go.

I was naive.

Nowadays if I see anybody trying to cut my queue, I will stare at them or sternly tell them off.

I am a happy person but of course, I can't always be happy. I can't always be happy 24/7. I have my down time too.

But you have to watch your step when I have my down time.

Project Ask; 2nd Question

A teenage girl went to my outlet yesterday and apparently, she is my blog reader.

She asked me there instead of doing it online because it was a bit of a hassle.

What is one thing I love about my physical appearance?

My eyes. I love my eyes.

They tell stories. And you know what mood I am in by looking at my eyes. My eyes create the whole expression on my face.

You know when I am sad, when I am happy, when I am not able to accept criticism, when I am angry, when I am jealous.

Just yesterday when I went to play pool with my friends, they told me I looked very jealous when I was starting to lose.

I asked them how they knew and they said my eyes gave away.

My eyes.

I love my eyes.

Project Ask; 1st Question

Miss. Dewi Sugendra emailed me and asked,

"Do you define yourself as a good or a bad guy?"

I am a mix of both. I am a good guy as well as bad.

I am good because;

1. I get really emotional seeing the homeless and the elderly on the streets asking for donations. I will never fail to donate a few dollars to them.

In fact, I will be visiting an old folks home with my friends in NOV on one of my off days.

2. I am too giving. Whatever requests my colleagues want, they will get if the requests are within my means. I am always there for my friends. I put them first before myself.

3. I listen. When anyone needs a listening ear, I will be there. I will give them my advices and my full support!

I am bad because;

1. When nobody is looking, I curse a lot. There will be 4 to 5 words of vulgarities in a sentence.

2. I lie without having any second thoughts. When I lie I make sure my lie will be damn perfect. And I will not have any regrets lying.

3. I have split personality. I switch personalities like snapping my fingers.