500th Entry; Issac Ritz

I hate it when people cut my queue. I mean that only happens when you're around typical Singaporeans. Can you imagine yourself in the queue for nearly an hour and suddenly the next thing you know is that the girl in front of you have had requests from her friends to 'chop' the queue for them.

Which means instead of having only to wait for one more in front of me, I have to like wait for another six more people before I could purchase my tickets. I was flabbergasted. Extremely. Is this how the queue system work here in Singapore?

People getting all 'kiasu'. Take the classic example, they reserve seats at hawker centers by placing their personal belongings to indicate to people that the seats are already taken. they would go to the extend of placing their packet of tissue paper.

I'm soft-spoken. I let matters off too easily. I didn't really get annoyed when this uncle decided to ut my queue. He pretended that I wasn't even in the queue.

Only when there are massive groups of people cutting me do I really care.

As I was alone and there are like many of them, I tried not to blow up the matter. I asked the girl who was orginally there in a polite tone, "Excuse me, do you mind if I go first since I didn't know you promised your friends to 'chop' queues for them and I have been waiting forever here?"

And the girl replied, "You want to cut my queue is it?"

I sensed the sarcastic tone in her voice. Oh my god, she's so rude. I declare her a BITCH. It's totally absurd. Why would I want to cut her queue? I could have done that long ago, maybe when I was in the queue for the first few minutes.

"This guy wants to cut queue leh girls. How ah? How come Singaporeans are like that?"

When I heard that, I went berserked. I could have sworn I would cut her into pieces if I have an axe with me.

Thankfully, there were others behind me who witnessed it and just like me, got really angry. The girl then told the rest that I was trying to jump queue.

Girl, I was there all along and when if I cut her queue, it wouldn't affect the others in the queue. But now, you're talking about five other girls trying to join the queue, overtaking all the other tired and angry people.

Enough said, she was refused to purchase the tickets.

And other case; as for the exit ramp people, that's annoying, But whatever. It's not like it's done every ten seconds. What I hate the most, though, is when you've got a group of people who barge past you, and you say something, and they look at you like you're the a**hole. That's just rude and stupid.

I really hate it when people push past say that they want to go meet their friends, for one thing they are probably lying and have no friends in the queue, but it is hard to say no for me because if I say no then I will feel guilty for spoiling their day even if they have spoilt mine.

The worst case queue jumping I saw was a group of 7-8 coloured men came in entrance to rush, and because the queue sort of loops back on itself, all they had to do was jump one fence and they were practically on. Anyway, security was called and eventually they were kicked out, but the ride was stopped for more time than it would have taken for them just to ride... better stick to policies though so they don't do it again.

What say you? What will you feel if you're in a queue way too long and someone just cut your queue?

Anyway, like I said, I am way too soft-spoken. I know, it's been quite a while but I have to get things cleared. In the previous paragraph, I wrote, "Why would I want to cut her queue? I could have done that long ago, maybe when I was in the queue for the first few minutes.

I used to have this best friend but we ended our friendship abruptly. Few weeks later, his blog account was hacked into and his blog was deleted with all his entries completely erased. Why would I want to wait a few weeks later when I can do it immediately.

I gloated to his loss but gloating doesn't mean I was the culprit.

Like he said, I have his password and userid and I must be the one who deleted his blog and yes, I do admit I still have the password and userid and I can successfully logged onto his blogger account.

But like I said earlier, I could have done it immediately after we stopped being friends. Anyway, this doesn't really matter anymore.

I have so many secrets and it's really scary. The longer I keep, the more uncomfortable I become. There are so many rumors about me. And they say there are so many different sides of me. I keep on flipping my character till they don't know which is the real me.

True, I have split personality but that was generated when I had this very traumatic experience 3 years ago which I promised to write in my blog soetime ago.

I was someone who was able to cater to people's needs; care and support. I was likeable. I don't have any so called dirty little secrets about me at all.

But after the traumatic experience, I changed. I was telling myself, 'you've got to protect yourself, stand up for yourself. You've been pushed around alot and it's time for you to stand up for yourself.'

So that was when my other personality, the stronger one, starts to take over. I was someone who doesn't club. I was someone who doesn't drink. I wasn't at all flirtatious. I was me. But things changed.

The stronger personality of mine likes things that I don't. It's like a 360degree change in me. And sometimes when I think about it, I feel afraid. Sometimes, I feel that I am losing control of myself.

I want to change to become a better person. But before I do, let me get the facts and diss all the rumors that aren't true.

I was addicted to clubbing. I club every weekends; Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes, it could go to the extend of clubbing during weekdays. I got lost on the dancefloor. I drink. I become drunk. I was wasting my life away.

Now, I told myself that it's time for me to quit the habit of mine. Most of my friends said, "hey you're 22 still, enjoy youself because once you grow older, this kind of things, you'll soon start to lose interest."

True, they are true but this isn't a lifestyle I wanted. This isn't the healthy lifestyle I yearned for. I want to go the beach to suntan or probably play volleyball. I want to go to the park to roller blade or probably to cycle.

But I don't have friends who like sports. I only have those who likes to club. They are an avid clubber.

Some say I mix with the wrong company and that they have led me astray. And they are also the ones who are not your true friends.

Friendship involves recognition or familiarity with another's personality. Friends often share likes and dislikes, interests, pursuits, and passion. How can we recognize potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind.

Beyond that, genuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.

True Friendship - Relationship, Trust, Accountability. True friendship involves relationship. Those mutual attributes we mentioned above become the foundation in which recognition transpires into relationship.

Many people say, "Oh, he's a good friend of mine," yet they never take time to spend time with that "good friend." Friendship takes time: time to get to know each other, time to build shared memories, time to invest in each other's growth.

Trust is essential to true friendship. We all need someone with whom we can share our lives, thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. We need to be able to share our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that those secrets will end up on the Internet the next day!

Failing to be trustworthy with those intimate secrets can destroy a friendship in a hurry. Faithfulness and loyalty are key to true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away.

True friendship requires certain accountability factors. Real friends encourage one another and forgive one another where there has been an offense. Genuine friendship supports during times of struggle.

Friends are dependable. In true friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and we always want the best for our friends.

I want true friends and I hope I can know who's right for me.

One thing that sets me apart from a few is I don't take drugs. I may club and drink and smoke (thrice when I was in Taiwan and Brunei) and have plenty of sex but I will never take drugs.

But sometimes I do want to take steriods whenever I have my combat tests. I want to pass. Then again, that isn't the best solution afterall. I wouldn't want to pass base on steriods.

It's been 2 months since I drink alcoholic drinks. Hooray to me. I felt sober again. I used to question those who drink beer, "Why would you want to drink it when it taste awful, when it taste bitter?"

They help you drown your sorrows. They help you forget.

I've got a better way now and that is to do something that I like, blogging. And now I am addicted to it.

They say I am flirtatious. Yes, I am but when I am in a relationship, I will expect myself not to flirt or sleep aroundwith others. Because there's only a reason to it. I love that person alot.

And when I am in a relationship, many will doubt that it will last long. They asked what love means to me.

I believe that love can be described in more ways than one and there sure are different kinds of love you feel for someone but when you can't eat and can't sleep because all you think about is that special someone than you are definately in love.

Ever sit on the couch thinking your going to relax and read a book or something and you look down and your on page 10 of the book but because your mind is thinking about the person you just can't seem to get your mind off of you have to go all the way back to page number one.

Or you have a date with that special someone and when you glance at him/her for the first time that night your stomach knots with butterflies and you suddenly feel so sick because there's the man(woman) of your dreams standing in front of you.

My defintion of love is when you can't wait to see that person again; when you get dropped off at home but run for the phone just so you can hear their voice once again; when you would give anything to be together just five more minutes; you trust them with all of your heart; your comfortable together and know you could talk about anyhting; you are there for each other no matter what good or bad; you stand beside them proudly with confidence and last but definately not least, sharing speacial moments that one day you know will make wonderful memories to look back on and share with the ones you love the most.

I really wish I know what I want in life. I need someone or a few to guide me.

Where does this come from? This quest.

This need to solve life's mysteries from the simplest of questions that can never be answered.

Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream?

Have we been better off not looking at all, not yearning. But that's not human nature, not the human heart. That is not why we are here.

Yet still we struggle to make a difference. To change the world. To dream of hope. Never knowing of certain who we will meet along the way.

Who among the world of strangers will hold our hand, touch our hearts and share the pain of trying.