Thankful; I've Not Yet Been Let Astrayed

I am thankful at times like this, I have friends that are really supportive of me. They are my listening ears, they are my support. They are there for me when I need them. I feel happy that I know them. They keep me safe.

I'm under a tremendous pressure right now, so tremendous, it has clouded my vision of tomorrow. It clouded my ability of who to trust and who to talk to to pour my feelings out. I feel like I'm trapped in a enclosed dark room. I can't breathe.

I have a few people whom I can trust right now. Throughout the whole of today, I've been texting my godbrother, Shawn, for advices. I messaged him so often I think he might have been irritated by the messages. I don't know.

But I know he tried his best to help me, giving me the best advices possible and I am thankful to him for that. He comforted me.

And there I have Jaishree, someone whom I know since 2003 but have not met yet. She's someone really close to me. As if she is my twin. She knows what I wanted to say and tell her. She knows my every move.

Sometimes, she helps me with my every moves. I feel proud of myself to have a friend like her. I feel happy that she support me in every way possible.

There's Nana and Harziyan.

I've been really, really close to them recently. And they are like my brother and sister. I will always be there for her and both of them will do the same for me.

Lastly, Nadiah, though I only start to be close to her like a year, she gives me moral support and advices me on things that I shouldn't do.

I think for the past years, I've been choosing the wrong people to be friends with. I club because my friends are clubbers. I drink because my friends are drinkers.

Sometimes, friends determine what we will become today and in the future.

I am proud to tell myself that I've not been clubbing for the past few months. I am proud to tell myself that I've not been drinking for the past few months. Continue this way, I'll be the old me and that's a good thing.

I am not someone loud, flamboyant. I don't go around gossiping about others, I don't go around degrading others.

I am not someone who take videos of myself having sex like someone whom I know who is now someone I really dislike. Notice, I use dislike not hate.

All this is over. Period.

I'm still hanging on. Hanging on because of these good people. Hanging on because of Jaishree. Hanging on because of Nana. Hanging on because of Shawn. Hanging on because of Nadiah and Harziyan.

I'm too soft-hearted. I'm too gullible.