Being Defensive

I just got off the phone with my friend, we were arguing for quite a while and things got really heated. At some point, I realized that I am the problem.

I decided to look up defensiveness on the Internet and it was clear, I have been living a life of denial for a long, long time.

I am learning that defensiveness is not protecting yourself from someone else, but protecting yourself from yourself.

Sarcasm, blaming and pushing away the pain and not facing it head on. Shame , thats the culprit and it is evil.

My friend is completely desensitized by this clarity, as it has happened before, but this time, it will be different.

I am going to take the following steps:

1. Become more aware of my feelings by recognizing the cues my body is sending when I am about to “defend”, and wait for a moment and repeat what was said.

2. Slow down and listen to what is being said.

I need to recognize and own this problem that I have.

I believe that argument drives the person to be defensive so what I got to do is avoid argument.It’s not passive atitude but when it comes to the misrepresentation of my image I should stop and think deeply about what I got to say and persuade myself that people mean no harm when they argue with me there is no reason to be defensive then.

I should stop being defensive.