Riddled And Not Hidden

I know it seems that I can't hide my emotions. They are see-through every time.

People know that I am unable to express myself well if I'm supposedly face-to-face with the person that I'm having problem with.

I'm always avoiding things afraid what kind of emotions I may get and others around me too.

There's so many things in my mind now. I shall write them down on my blog so that I won't feel heavy in my mind.

I really dislike my mum asking tons of question pertaining to the things I do outside. She doesn't seem to trust me.

Trust is the keyword to happiness. Right?

So mum, have faith in me and I believe you will be reading this tomorrow.

Beloved baby, I love you alot and you know it. But there has been quite a few things that has been bothering me lately.

When I had your handphone, you seemed , erm, nervous. You were eager to get it back. I believe that there are certain messages that are not meant for my eyes.

When I made the call annd sent a few messages out, I was browsing through your inbox since I was in the queue and it wasn't my turn yet.

Scrolling and reading the messages I sent to you that you had kept in your inbox makes me happy. Scrolling further down, there I saw a name, Sam.

Curious, thinking that it would be my friend since he shares the same name as the one in your handphone inbox, I opened and somehow read a few lines.

My heart sank.

I wanted to ask you who is Sam and why such a message but I guess I did not dare to voice out.

I'm not timid. I just don't express myself well in person.

Trust me, one person whom I considered dearly to me would be you baby.

So far, ever since we got to know one another, I have not kept a single thing from you. Everything I know, I have, the answers, the questions, all of them are not kept a secret from you.

I did not really go back home. I loitered at the garden opposite my block, contemplating.

The truth is to be lived and not mouthed. I realized I am not interested in abstract metaphysical abstraction.

I believe in us, you and me.

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