The Bangladesh Worker Who Tried To Steal An Auntie's Panty



Discalimer: Part of the story is true while some were editted for reading pleasure.



It was in the early morning when people rushed to work, kids go to school and maids going to the market. In the friendly, peaceful neighbourhood of Hougang, something shocking happened.



I glanced at my wrist watch - 9.04A.M. "Hurry up or we won't be able to get any story for today's headline!" I gestured to the camera-man.



And then I saw people crowding the void deck. Most of them were ah peks and ah sos, you know those gossip-mongers! This is it! I thought. I'm going to get the juicy story!



I ran to the scene, trying to get them out of my way. Brr! Those people were gossiping away and it was awfully noisy. Especially the little kid that was standing beside me! "MUMMY! MUMMY! Look at that man. What is that over his head!"



And her mom said, "Don't be K-PO! Children shouldn't know much!"



I rolled my eyes and tried to squeeze my way through the crowd but each time I tried to move forward, they would just be so 'kiasu' and move in front of me. How frustrating could that be.



That's it. I have to get them out of my way. Two old ladies, one middle age man and a transverstitte were blocking my path. I just couldn't stand it anymore and pulled the old lady's hair.



"AAaaAAAAAAAa! Pain.. Pain... " she shouted.



And swung her to my right. I stepped on the middle age man's shoes and pulled him back. But there were still two more blocking me! - the other old lady and the transverstitte. Nobody's going to get in my way!



"Hey you over there!" I shouted to the transvertitte.



He turned back and let out a shriek! He looked down and saw my hands on his 'breast'. I squeezed them real hard and the next moment I knew was juice started squirting out from under his dress. I smell my hands... Orange?



Ugh! Oh forget it.



There was silence for a moment. The crowd looked at the transverstitte and then looked at me and back to the transverstitte. The next thing you knew, they were laughing away but not for long. After a while, they turned back to the scene.



Three down, one to go!



The old lady looked at me, giving me those most pitiful 'don't-harm-me' eyes. Oh, I don't care much. I just want my cover story! She knew what's coming! I slapped her hard and her false teeth flew out from her mouth, landed on the ground a few distances away from her.



Good riddance!



Ah Finally! I've made it. John John! Hurry up! I shouted to the cameraman. Roll it!



In 5 .. 4 ..3 ...2 ...1



Here live reporting at Hougang street 51, block 453, something peculiar, something rather unusual happened. Now what we have here is a bangladesh worker being escorted by two policemen.



His face was actually covered. By what? By an Auntie's panty. What we can conclude from here that her panty hasn't been washed for days. Look at those black marks and phew! the stench.



I might have speculated that the bangladesh worker has a fetish on woman's undies.. Not just any woman. He has fetish on old woman's panty to be exact. Why was his face covered by an old woman's panty. Curious? Let's find out more.



*Rush to one of the witness*



Me: What's your name?



Witness: Erm..Erm.. I...



Me: Oh for heaven's sake.. hurry up!



Witness: I... I



Me: OK... That's enough. Let's name her pinky.



Witness: No Way! That name sounds awful. I'm Michelle.



Me: What actually happened here?



Witness: Isn't my name just sound so nice, so elegant...



Me: Cut the crap... now let's get back to the topic here... What actually happened?



Witness: *stares at reporter* You mean mean mean.



Me: *slaps the witness* We're live here... So let's get cracking



Witness: Well... *rubs her painful cheek* ... that time ...it was 8.08AM. I was having my shower when I suddenly heard screams at the corridor. I was shocked. I went out of the toilet and ran to the front door.



Me: What happened next?



Eye: I saw this bangladesh worker trying to steal my neighbour's bra and panty but unfortunately he didn't manage to run scot free. My neighbour was trying to get her undies back but the bangladesh worker just wouldn't let them go! They were having tug-of-war. Nobody gave in.



Me: That's new.



Witness: I assumed that my neighbour was frying something because she had a frying pan in her left hand. She used that and hit the bangladesh worker hard on his head. But still he was still clinging onto the panty and bra.



Me: And then...?



Witness: And then I realise I was actually nude.



Me: Err...



Witness: But anyway, my neighbour was really mad. She finally got hold of her panty but she didn't put it away. She took her panty and covered the bangladesh worker's head. What really suprised me the most was that the Bangladesh worker was sniffing away.



Me: Well, I guess he must be enjoying the smell of the panty.



Witness: Yeah, pretty much. They were still fighting over the bra... things got out of hand... So I called the police to end their misery..



Witness: And...



Me: Okay, I guess that's enough for today. As you can see folks, this is pretty unusual. I guess both of them must be suffering from depression.



Witness: But there's more. *Moves forward to the camera*



Me: *pulls her hair, wopps! It's a wig. She's bald!* That's all for today.



Signing off,



Shah Rizal Isaac



3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Cut!



Great job! That's all for today.



2 More Days To A Blastful Event



Let's Conquer the World [Shah Rizal Isaac Ritz Goh Ming An]