Why do we gossip? What's the pay-off, the motivation?
Something to talk about, storytelling impulse, but juicy stories can only safely be shared in a community where the main characters aren't known. It's a fact- "the community is going to know something eventually, so I may as well tell it."
There's a competitiveness to it. People think they're "just venting." But sometimes it's slander!
People will say they're telling something for the person's own good. That can be patronizing. There's drama in other people's stories. But - the fact it's a terrific story does not always justify the repeating of it. Some things are very private - e.g. if someone's been molested - you wouldn't tell that.
"This culture does not assume the kind of openness I had growing up."
Ever since I was young, I was not spared from people who always gossip. Yes, I do gossip too but not to the extend that will damage one's reputation. I have friends; friends who gossiped alot and friends who does not gossip at all.
"I'm not a big gossip but I like to talk. I know people who are religiously observant-they're not to talk about people at all, because even starting to praise someone could lead to bad statements/intentions."
I just realized that most of my friends are 'gosssipers'. And yes, I dare to say it here.
Now, all I want to do is to sit by the balcony and indulge myself in classicals, gaze at the skies, and let my mind drift to a place where nobody exists.
People are easily influenced.
Take for example;
I was together with 'A' for half a year and it only started to fall apart when 'E' came into the picture. My relationship with 'A' was already bad enough when my relationship with 'A''s friends started to sour.
And the most ironic part was that 'A' got angry too when logically I did nothing wrong to 'A'. I was flabbergasted when I realized that 'A' was rather indecisive with decisions and listened to every word 'A''s friends said.
Was I not only upset, I was disappointed that things turned sour due to rumors that weren't true. That was when I seek solace in 'E'. And soon after, we became emotionally attached to one another.
A perfect relationship was ended and a new one was formed not too long after I broke up with 'A'.
Then, I was enlisted in National Service. I thought, and I knew that 'E' would be true to me. I spread my wings and even took the time to buy 'E' a phone and line when I knew 'E' does not have any handphone. I did everything.
Weeks later, I knew I was cheated when I accidentally chanced upon a few messages that destroyed 'E''s perfect image in my mind. I decided to part with 'E'
And that's when things got nasty.
'E' turned the table on me and psychoed everyone, I mean EVERYONE, including my friends, my buddies, that I was a FLIRT.
Flabbergasted I was. The rumor spread like a wildfire.
I started to observe from reading 'E''s blog and others only to know that what 'E' onced called me can only be directed to 'E'.
"There's a fine line between a flirt and someone who sleeps around."
Different kind of stories of me were made up. I swear they were malicious to burn the forestry in Indonesia.
I told myself these were nothing compared to those that had happened to my close friend. A friend that was so dear to me. A friend who committed suicide upon hearing gossips about her being pregnant.
"We never talked about anyone's business and never shared anything about ourselves either. It took me awhile to learn that not revealing feelings and information can be just as harmful to relationships as sharing too much."
Yes, I did not put in my best effort in school. I scored a big F. And everyone else scored at least a C for their Math.
Instead of comforting me, a few sniggered at me, looked down on me. And words of me failing terribly spread to the whole compound.
Some people are not aware that what they're saying or doing is hurtful. The hurt party may need to say something.
Now, I decided to take a step back to enjoy the world instead of aggressively pushing myself to work hard and still be a gossip magnet.
It's always good to keep a diary or journal. It doesn't have to be fancy, or wordy, or confessional. Just make sure that you're recording information about your accomplishments. Even an ordinary day spent in a good mood is a kind of accomplishment. Whenever you feel as thought your life is worthless, fraudulent, or otherwise rotten, refer to this diary as a much-needed reminder of happier times. More will come.
It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
*Update: I didn't clarify certain things. I had to cut short the stories. In all, EVERYONE has a bad point. So do I. Nobody's perfect. I'm no longer looking backwards and I'm no longer seeing what I've seen. I hold grudges against no one. this cherade has to end.
