Your First Relationship Should Fail

We learn through failure. It’s the only way to learn anything. Like riding your bike. You have to fall off a few times and scrape your knees, but eventually you get it. And once you get, it stays with you for life. That's why investing in building your skill set has immense value. It comes at a price few initially want to pay. But if you make the investment the returns will be exponentially greater. 

That's why you see so many people trudging along in dysfunctional relationships. The magic and romance has long since gone. They have sex mechanically. The relationship becomes a chore. They become content with what they have and are afraid to risk losing it by speaking their mind. 

If you're not thriving in a relationship, you're better off without it. If the relationship stagnates, take action or risk that it will fail. You have to identify the problem and bring it to light. This typically risks a fight, and a fight risks a breakup. 

Every relationship begins with a honeymoon period, a chemical infatuation designed to get you to reproduce. Once it ends—typically 3-9 months in—you'll face the first fight. If you make it through the fight, your relationship can begin for real. 

Now you'll encounter the immense challenge of reconciling two differing world views. Sometimes, the two people involved are radically different. The differences were just masked by the initial infatuation. Reconciling these differences takes skill. And you'll naturally lack these skills on your first try. You'll have to fall off the bike. 

It's also very likely that, when entering into your first relationship, you came from a frame of scarcity. You were like a thirsty man in the desert who finds a muddy pond. At first, it seems like the purest of mountain springs. But once you satisfy your thirst, you begin to taste the mud. 

Don't worry, there's good news. You can get on the bike again. You can, as you rightfully should and will, try to salvage the relationship. In the rarest of cases the first relationship will work out and you'll be together for a decade or more. But I've never heard of this happening. It's one of those things that's technically possible, but you can never seem to find. More than likely, getting back on the bike will mean starting over with a new girl. 

I know what you're thinking. She's perfect. She's amazing. She's my dream girl. I've been there a few times myself. I know the rush you get when you make-out and fuck. It's better than any drug. But like any high, it'll end sooner or later. 

Failure Builds Character

You can't grow as person unless you experience adversity. Just like you can't get big muscles without first tearing them up at the gym, you can't have a strong psyche without experiencing psychological and emotional pain. 

Your ability to embrace and appreciate—even be outright grateful for—this aspect of pain separates you from the rest of the herd. Face the pain. Embrace the challenge. Go where you've never been before. Do what's uncomfortable. This is what a master does. This is what a king does. This is now your life.