A Bad Start

And it's not even half of the year yet I've already had a fair share of bad luck.

- I lost someone so dearly to me. The love I had for that particular person was so strong that I committed most of my time to that particular person. But in the end, we weren't meant to be together.

I became hay-wired and wild. I was a nut-case. I dated so many people in that particular week after the merry-go-round of love gone wrong and had someone said to me, "you're boring. I only date you because I had no dates."

- It was only the 2nd week of the month, I hit my head and had a pretty bad injury on my forehead. 4 stitches.

Disfigured. Disfigured for life.

- 4 days ago, I lost my handphone. And this is the 7th time. How careless I could be! Damn.

- Having to lost a handphone is not a great setback to me. But having to lost all the contacts in the handphone is a tragedy. Now, I am completely clueless of how to get back all the numbers, especially the important ones.

- Knowing that the close friends you once had, went away for studies, is a terrible thing.

- Completion of my medic course and not being able to be with my medic friends always is quite saddening. They are people whom I think I could click with the most. Not being able to see them everyday, hearing their jokes and laughters, not being able to just see them, is really upsetting.

- Knowing that I will be back to my infantry unit and doing 5 KM run every morning and doing rigorous exercises sets fear in me.

- Only to realize that my line is back after temporary suspension was a great relieve. But knowing that one's parent reading their son's messages and answering calls that were not meant for them could be quite infuriating.

To sum up all, my world is tumbling down. And a few might be gloating at my plight. Gloat all you can but it won't last.

I want to take a break from all this craziness!

I will be back when I am ready. It won't be too long.

Doubt

How does it feels like to have someone intervene? To have someone to tell you what to do and what not to do? How does it feels like having to be watched 24/7?

To have someone who queries about his peers, his friends.

I feel so restricted.

RESTRICTED!

Lost Handphone

To my love one, please add me @ shahrizal85@hotmail.com on MSN.

I lost my handphone while on the cab.

Dear, I have no other forms of coomunications to ge through you so if you happen to read my blog today or tomorrow, meet me at the same place on friday, same timing.

Just Me

A few days ago, I realized that I can actually style my hair. It's still short but it's better than nothing.

I'm a narcissist.

I love myself and you don't have to if you don't want to.

That's Where It Is

A long way to perfect freedom. A path too long-winded to love. The greatness of friendship; the most wonderful gift.

Each time, I make new friends, and when they became close to me, I will always have to part with them in the end.

My combat medic course is coming to an end and soon I will return to my parent unit. Though I still can meet up with them even after that, I will feel distanced from them.

Their laughters, their jokes, their weirdness and everything else about them just makes me laugh, and brings me closer to them.

A short 2 months but look at how fast I connected with them.

These friends, I treasure. I am blessed to have known them.

Unspoken ( A Starting Has To Have An Ending)

You're different... And I'm not talking about your physical appearance. You're wild. You club. You drink. You don't do these stuffs last time. You' used to be a down-to-earth guy. What happened to you?

It's only a few months since I last met you and you've changed completely.

I looked away.

Is it because of your life? You're bored with it?

No...

Ah~ I know. Love has made you change into a different person. Love is always the reason for one the change in a person's behaviour and characteristic. Am I not right to say that?

I looked at her.

I read your blog. You would be lying to me if you still don't like that particular person.

I've moved on.

Do not lie to me, ... not to yourself at least. Love is something great. And everyone is looking for it. I can't deny that I'm looking for it too. But I learn that we can't actually find love. It will be harder that way.

I interrupted, "Does love exist?"

Yes, love does exist but catching it is the hard part. I sometimes think we're all too picky... that we all seek that fantasy guy/girl. And rather than settling for a great girl/guy... we wait for a perfect one; and end up empty handed.

Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

I can feel that you are tired. Really tired. Your eyes. I can see the sadness from your eyes. Even I can feel it. It's strong. It's really strong.

I held her hands, "Don't... Don't cry."

Forget about the past and move on. And don't find love. Let it find you instead. The more you try, the harder it gets. Trust me.

I have always had a starting but never an ending.

I want closure. I want to get out from this love curse of mine. I want to start anew.

Floor It Up

Before I get bitch-ed by the rising blogger, PhunkTV, I would better state my reasons for not accompanying him to the Singapore Idol audition.

First of all, I was so totally exhausted that I fell asleep while waiting and trust me, it could be quite a drag to wait for more than 2 hours. My eyes became droopy, my body felt weak, thus I fell asleep.

While waiting, my parents then came up to meet and suggested that I stayed at home to help them with the houseworks (tidying up my room and cleaning my balcony). Tedious work I must say.

And besides, I could not inform you of the changes because you don't have a handphone!

Apologies to you.

My tertiary school friends organized a chalet a few weeks back and of course, I was thrilled to meet them since it was like months since I last saw them.

But unfortunately, I could not stay long.

The four of us, buddies and best friends since tertiary days, were once again re-united. It's always hard to get us four together nowadays since each of us are busy with so many things in life.

Not many photos were taken either as my camera went off due to low battery.

I really thought something suspicious was going on...

Eric(the one standing): You there, you know what to do.

Bing Kin: No! I refuse! Go get someone else...

Eric: Come on... I'm already standing right in front of you.

Evil Twin: Fuck you lah! You're getting lame.

While I was tidying up my shelves at the balcony, I stumbled a few stuffs, memorable stuffs if I were to be precise.

A box... A small box. I know for sure that the ring was still inside.

I opened the box up and there it was, ... the ring.

It brings back good old memories. I did not bear to throw the ring away as it had signifcant meaning to me. When I think back, I realized that I was so foolish to let go of you and be with another.

The one whom I decided to be with, our relationship, short-lived.

My 1st month gift from my ex.

3rd. The date of the start of our relationship.

Evil Twin: Junks!

No there're not! Take a closer look.

My ex folded the papers into hearts and each of the hearts represent the dates we have been together.

Sweet indeed. I took all the hearts out and there I saw a shiny object.

A lock and a key.

I know what it means.

But, on the 2nd month of our relationship, things went haywire. The disadvantages of being in camp for 6 days a week are that we will give the kind of insecurity feelings and lack of love and lack of time for our other half.

If you're smart enough, you should know why we broke off.

Failed relationship after another.

It's really a tragic.

Severity

My I.V skills is getting worst. From the 1st to the 6th I.V sessions, I have never missed the veins. But now, especially just now, during the 8th I.V Session, I disappoint myself terribly.

I missed more than 6 times!

Imagine if I am supposedly to I.V a real casualty and missing his veins more than 6 times would actually slim down his chances of living.

I felt morally low and depressed.

On the contrary, I love to see them squirm. (grins)

I felt so bad today that I decided to volunteer my hands to people who have not do their I.Vs yet.

Ah~

On a higher note, it really irks me to see those whom once I know gossips about me. I shall not be bothered by pesky brats like them.

Their motives are to taint my reputation, earn themselves more friends and be satisfied when my world collapsed.

My response; nothing.

The more you retaliate, the more they will try to get even with you.

It Hurts...

My bloody injury on my forehead hurts alot.

Sobs!

Illuminate Me

To get the perfect lightings, the best phographer and place to have our photoshoot taken could be quite a task.

And it's not often to get 3 blog writers to get together to get to do the photoshoot.

It was almost 7. Ivan (http://sora-san.blogspot.com) and I was 30 minutes late.

Blame it on me who had to be picky on the clothes I had to wear and Sora always assuming that I will be late.

Primadona!

Then we met up with Yann (http://phunktv.blogspot.com) and proceeded to our designated locations for our photoshoots.

It was crowded everywhere. It was nearly impossible for us to get a decent quiet place.

Ok, hey stop walking... here can lah!

Raffles Place.

People were walking around so aimlessly like zombies.

We stood on the monument, and was instructed to position ourselves for the camera.

Snap! snap!

All those who were previously walking so aimlessly directed their attentions to us.

Your right leg out a bit! Your head tilt to the right. Your body bend forward!

The photographer was so demanding. *Throws my adidas shoes at him!*

But he was good. The photos turned out great. It was more than what I had expected for.

It was incliningly challenging for the photographer to take shots of me.

I had to work more on my expressions.

Ivan's good! He's really working his expressions. He knows how to work with the camera.

Then we proceeded to the artshouse.

Mine wasn't well-taken. compared to the other 3 pictures.

"Your best picture by far!"

There are many many more photos but I can't possibly upload all to my blog.

All ended at 10.15pm.

Tiring. Really tiring.

the Cruel Fairytale

It's only the 2nd month of the year and already so many unpleasant events happened. My world is in topsy turvy .

My kingdom is crashing. It's been breached. No men could stop the invasion. I could have done something about it but I sat still there at my throne...

Until one came and attacked me from the back. I fell to the floor and hit my head.

Blood. Blood everywhere...

I laid motionless. I thought I was dead. But never did I know I was revived back by a fairy.

I got up again, not knowing what to do, feeling so terribly lost. Knowing that the fairy who onced saved me would go away, I stilll clinged on tight.

"Be with me... I will take you away from this icy kingdom of yours and bring to my, the land of beauty," whispered the snow princess. Her hand reached out to me but it seems hard for me to get anywhere near her soft smooth hands.

I wanted to be with the fairy so badly that I shut out the possibility of being with the snow princess.

As days passed by, still my kingdom being invaded, I stayed close to the fairy but her light was diminishing. She was done. The fairy's prince recalled her back.

And soon, I saw her diminished into nothing. She was gone.

Numb.

I closed my eyes, forcing back my tears.

"Get out of there Icy prince!" shouted my men.

I ignored their warning calls. I stayed.

I lost you... I can't lose another...

I forced myself up and ran up to the very top of the kingdom. There, nothing. The snow princess's path to her fottress was no longer there.

Come back...!

I kept pleading.

Nobody returned for me. There I was in the kingdom, alone. Everyone has fled for their lives. I got up and sat at the dimmed corner of the kingdom. I closed my eyes.

Then I heard firecrackers. It was so loud that they were hurting my ears. Then, someone pulled me by my cape. "Get up!"

"You will be nothing to anyone if you refuse to do anything about your kingdom!" shouted a familiar voice.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw the giggling prince. A few meters behind him, stood the adviser princess, the joking prince and the American prince.

"Don't give up... We will bring you to a safe place first. Once we have enough backup, we will come back for your Kingdom... Trust us."