It's already my 3999th post.
Sometimes, I fell that time is fast-forwarding instead of moving at a normal pace. Sometimes, I feel like I didn't live my life to the fullest. Sometimes, I feel like I didn't make full use of my talent.
On the contrary, I have accomplished a few tasks in my life already.
3999 entries; that's an achievement to me.
This is my first time writing so much in my life.
Last time, I used to be so focused on the number of people reading my blog and how they view me. Because of that I lost my writing ability midway. I lost my personality alongside with it. I didn't know who I was.
Blogging used to be a platform for us to write what we feel, what we are doing in our daily lifes, who we hate, who we admire and like. But now, writing things like, 'today I wake up and eat tomato' has become the most mundane topic or sentence in blogging world right now.
And what they, the readers, will comment, "What a stupid post! Write something interesting la! Why write about ur boring life..."
If we re-track back, blogging is suppose to be about writing our daily lifes. Now people blog for money, fame and making more friends. I don't deny I blog for money, fame and making more friends. I write stuffs that are appealing to the huge audiences.
Because of that, I lost my personality.
When I was in tertiary school, my friends would follow suit of blogging too. But they didn't put their heart and soul in blogging. Thus, midway, they lost interest and stopped.
What made them start blogging was because they saw someone else like me blogging and thinking that it would be fun to write and generate readers, they follow suit.
So in the end, the 20 odds classmates of mine who started blogging ended getting bored with it soon.
So what does blogging actually means to you?
Is it just a platform for you to express your feelings or is blogging a platform for you to earn money, gain fame and make more friends?
Sometimes, I can be very shallow.
I was so shallow till to the point I started to choose my friends which is of course was not right. Since young, I always wanted a friend whom I will know for long, maybe for like 5 to 6 years, besties forever.
And that we have the same persona, same ambitions, same desires, same minds. But all these are just my wishful thinking.
When I was a teenager, I tried to establish as many friends as I can. Overnight, I became a 'sensation' knowing 3/4 of people.
I know him and him and her and him and them and those people there and those clubbers and that boy there and that guy there and that lesbian there and those groups of gays and that badminton player guy and that girl who knows how to play the piano.
But because of that, I began to have split personalities. All of them have different personas so I had to adjust to all of them. I began to be that innocent guy, that crazy guy, that bitcy guy, that stingy guy, that spendthrift guy, that show-off guy, that timid guy, that act innocent guy, that flirty guy, that sex-driven guy, that low sex driven guy.
I kept on splitting myself till one day they realized I wasn't my trueself thus losing most of them in the end.
To think of it, I find myself rather silly then. I was actually accomodating to all of their needs and characteristic.
And to think I kept emphasizing to my now-friends that I don't have alot of friends which is a whole lot of crap.
I had friends. I used to have friends. And I still have friends. It's just that compared to last time, it has been downsized.
I love my friends now. I don't have to split my personality. I can be what I want to be. I can be who I want. I can be me.
As a friend, now, I tried my best to ask them out, talk to them, sms them, msn them. So that they know they are still remembered by me as a friend and I still treat them as a friend. But do they ever treat me as one?
The ones that are very consistent to me are those few whom I have known for quite some time.
Jaishree.
Its funny how we chatted almost every night, msning nearly daily and texting each other most of the time.
How long have I known her? - 9 years and counting.
Have I met her? - No.
But i know she will always be my best friend. She is my listening ear. She is my wall of pillars. She knows almost everything about me.
Another good friend of mine; Kent. He is someone special too. He is my n.s medic buddy. we bonded pretty well despite knowing we are two poles apart. Yes, we do have some similar personalities. But that's about it.
What makes him special is, he will accept every flaws of mine. Whenever I am late, he wouldnt even get the slightest angry at me. And when I can't make decisions, he decides for me.
We love taking photos.
We love to scrutinize at people whenever we go out together.
He is decisive, not like a few of my friends who can't even decide on where to go and what to do when we are going out.
He enjoys every joke I tell him.
He will be there for me when I need him.
He will advice me.
Last but not least, HE KNOWS ME WELL ENOUGH TO NOT DIG MY OWN GRAVE.
You can't find that kind of friends anymore these days.
When I need my photos to be photoshopped, he will willingly take over and do them for me.
He's a kick-ass friend.
Of course there are a few others whom are good to me too.
to be continued...
